One bank holiday last year, I was very, very sick. I had a bad fever, stomach cramps, achy joints and diarrhoea. I was in agony. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I had been knocked down with a bout of the most horrendous viral infection, Gastric Flu. I called my wise mother and asked for a remedy. She advised me to visit the pharmacy. The HSE instructs us to use our local pharmacy as an outlet for medical advice to not to clutter up the A&E waiting rooms. From my experience, Pharmacy employees love questions from their customers. I visited pharmacists a many to learn how I could combat my ailment. After entering a countless number of pharmacies, I was at a loss. I was told to just “ride it out”. I would be better in a few days. I expected to come upon a (much needed) nugget in one of the many shops I visited. I was getting rather impatient and the stomach cramps were intensifying. At my final stop I remembered I needed something to relieve my pain.
This is pretty much how the conversation went:
Stephen – Hello, can I please have some sachets of Dioralyte?
Girl behind the counter – What flavour would you like?
Stephen – Whatever. It doesn’t really matter …
Girl behind the counter – There you go (she places sachets on the counter)
Stephen – Thanks! Might you have any moist wipes?
Girl behind the counter – Moist wipes?
Stephen – Yes, moist wipes.
Girl behind the counter – For your hands?
Stephen – No, not for my hands?
Girl behind the counter – For your face?
Stephen – No, not for my face.
Momentary pause between Stephen and the Girl behind the counter. She appears confused
Stephen – (in a slightly raised voice) I don’t mean to be crude, but … I have DIARRHOEA.
Girl behind the counter – laughs to herself
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