If this post turns up when someone Googles “ulcers and braces”, it will have performed its function. Us poor brace wearers suffer terribly from ulcers. The orthodontist will shite on about wax and the relief it gives. Brace wearers are given wax to put on the part of the brace that causes the abrasion to the tongue or cheeks. Wax does nothing but end up in your stomach. I am the human candle eater.
After trying many over-the-counter remedies, the nice lady in the pharmacy recommended a product called Aloclair. Aloclair claims to prevent and treat mouth ulcers. It’s truly amazing. The product is completely natural, containing aloe vera gel as its main ingredient. The only downside is the cost (at 5Eur a pop, which might last you four days) and the horrid taste. However, it’s worth every cent.
One bank holiday last year, I was very, very sick. I had a bad fever, stomach cramps, achy joints and diarrhoea. I was in agony. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I had been knocked down with a bout of the most horrendous viral infection, Gastric Flu. I called my wise mother and asked for a remedy. She advised me to visit the pharmacy. The HSE instructs us to use our local pharmacy as an outlet for medical advice to not to clutter up the A&E waiting rooms. From my experience, Pharmacy employees love questions from their customers. I visited pharmacists a many to learn how I could combat my ailment. After entering a countless number of pharmacies, I was at a loss. I was told to just “ride it out”. I would be better in a few days. I expected to come upon a (much needed) nugget in one of the many shops I visited. I was getting rather impatient and the stomach cramps were intensifying. At my final stop I remembered I needed something to relieve my pain.
This is pretty much how the conversation went:
Stephen – Hello, can I please have some sachets of Dioralyte?
Girl behind the counter – What flavour would you like?
Stephen – Whatever. It doesn’t really matter …
Girl behind the counter – There you go (she places sachets on the counter)
Stephen – Thanks! Might you have any moist wipes?
Girl behind the counter – Moist wipes?
Stephen – Yes, moist wipes.
Girl behind the counter – For your hands?
Stephen – No, not for my hands?
Girl behind the counter – For your face?
Stephen – No, not for my face.
Momentary pause between Stephen and the Girl behind the counter. She appears confused
Stephen – (in a slightly raised voice) I don’t mean to be crude, but … I have DIARRHOEA.
Girl behind the counter – laughs to herself
Posted in Funny, Humor, Humour, Personal, Sickness
Tagged A&E, diarrhoea, Dioralyte, discomfort, Gastric Flu, HSE, Humor, Humour, medical advice, moist wipes, pharmacies, pharmacy, Sick