When I was a kid, I couldn’t bear the taste of cucumbers. I still detest them. I reckon children’s author, Roald Dahl also hated cucumbers. Dahl created the “snozzcumber” – an imaginary equivalent of cucumbers contained in his children’s book, “BFG”. BFG hated snozzcumbers. He would stomp on you for putting snozzcumber in his sandwich. I would probably react in a similar manner.  If you made two sandwiches, one with snozzcumber and the other one without, but used the same knife to cut my sandwich, I could taste the snozzcumber juice from my sandwich. While sitting in college one day over sandwiches, we were chatting about nothing as we always did. A friend of mine identified me as having the “cucumber gene”. She explained that her biology teacher taught her how the cucumber gene allows some individuals to taste cucumber and celery for what it is. Apparently, the majority of individuals are unable to ‘accurately’ taste these vegetables. I was quite chuffed to learn my little individualism. Since living with my mutated genealogy, I have come to appreciate my sixth-snozzcumber-sense. I can smell a freshly cut snozzcumber from six feet away. I could probably tell you if there was one in the building right now. That is how much I hate it. Some people do not believe in this sense. My friend, Miss Polly, claims she also has the cucumber gene. Miss Polly says she can taste snozzcumber’s true flavour. I did some reading on the interweb and it seems if you have the gene you “hate” snozzcumbers, but if you don’t, they taste like nothing. One poster compared them to tasting like apples. Miss Polly says they don’t taste like apples, they taste like snozzcumbers. I often question Miss Polly’s claim to have the cucumber-gene. I’m a little unfair. I suppose deep down I don’t like the idea of sharing my special trait with someone else. I should acknowledge the fact that Miss Polly does have the gene. Together we should celebrate it. So come on Miss Polly, join me in and the BFG in a vegetable cleansing of the world. Together we could eradicate the world of the foul snozzcumber!



5 responses to “Snozzcumbers!

  1. i will fight against you in the war against snozzcumbers. i’m on their side, they’re delicious! i’ll help you take down the celeries though

  2. cucumberhater2

    i’ve never been able to stand the smell/taste of cucumber. never. every time i tried eating it, i would throw it all up (not technically because it never actually makes it past a certain point in my throat before the automatic retch-reaction happens). i’ve been looking and looking for a scientific answer to all this.

    i skimmed that one article about the certain chemical that give veges their bitter taste and how some people have the gene to taste it and some people do not. but i don’t think it’s that. because i don’t hate cucumbers because they’re bitter (are they bitter?). I hate them because, i can’t describe it really. the smell. goddddddd. I get angry thinking about them. i can’t associate the word delicious with the word cucumber. my brain doesn’t understand/grasp the concept. and i’m not saying that to be like.. funny or whatever… lit-er-ally, it’s a mystery how someone can think those things are delicious.

    i, like you, can tell if someone used a knife to slice cucumbers then used the same knife to cut my sandwich.

    what i do think is true, is that certain people can smell it better than others. because most everyone i know who likes cucumbers, can’t really smell them that well. *shudders* sometimes i think they’re lucky. but when i think of cucumbers, it’s weird to even imagine the possibility of me being one of them. if i try to imagine myself always having been able to eat cucumbers like other people, the whole situation seems foreign and very.. unlikely.

    sorry for the rant. it’s just i’ve never actually met anyone who abhors cucumbers quite the same way that I do.

    • MyopicPsychotic

      You certainly do hate cucumbers. I’ve learned to tolerate their existence in this world.

    • “i’ve never actually met anyone who abhors cucumbers quite the same way that I do.”

      I do, and I know a few people who do to. You’re not alone.

  3. Pingback: Stumbled Upon | MyopicPsychotic’s Blog

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